August is National Civility Month. If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you’ll know that civility is a keen interest of mine. I’ve blogged about it, written a book on it (which I plan to revise and expand), and I do my best to live it out.

What is civility? There are a variety of perspectives, but I think Cassandra Dahnke and Tomas Spath, Founders, Institute for Civility, put it best,

“Civility is claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs, and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process … It is about disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground as a starting point for dialogue about differences, understanding biases and personal preconceptions, and teaching others to do the same.”

Practicing civility might be a new thing for you, as it was for me several years ago. As with any worthwhile change, one can be flooded with information on how to make it a reality. This is great, but sometimes a wave of information can leave us overwhelmed and maybe even a bit disoriented. In those moments, it’s easy to relapse to old habits.

I’ve found that between and beyond waves of new information, I need small tips and reminders to keep me on track. With that in mind, I’ll begin posting occasional “Civility Tips.” I’ll choose one from a variety of sources, but I’d also love to get tips from you! If you have a civility tip you’d like me to share, just email me at kevin@kevinglenn.net. If I use your tip, I’ll give you a shout-out on the blog!

Okay, here’s the first tip:

Assume the person you’re listening to has something valuable to say. 

As a leader and as someone who writes and speaks in public, I’ve had more than a few critics and detractors. In my younger days, I’d find reasons to ignore feedback from folks who took issue with something I did or said. I valued only those who offered praise. That limited my learning and growth. Over time, I learned that my critics usually told me the truth before my supporters would. They weren’t as kind about it, but the truth they shared had value because their personhood did. Rather than recoil defensively, I began responding by leaning into the critique with questions and curiosity. It was hard, but over time, I think it’s made me a better leader, writer, and speaker by forcing me to become a better listener. And sometimes the critics became friends! Most importantly, I hope it’s helped me practice gratitude and humility. 

So, assume there’s value in what people say to you. Yes, even if they’re different. Yes, even if you disagree with them. There’s usually a kernel of truth. I’ve found that if I deliberately listen for something valuable, I’ll hear it. Try it, and I think you’ll hear it, too!